Saying Goodbye... (for now) - en - Twincloud's Youtube Subtitle Extractor

Hello everyone. This is Kelly Mara here and no, it's not calamari.

Welcome back to the channel or if you're new to the pond, go ahead and take a

dive. You might like it here. I'm sure you clicked on this video

because you saw the title and before you ask, no, nothing happened. This is a

decision I made out of my own desire and best interests because the truth is

I'm so burnt out. So today I'd like to do a little

heart-to-heart with you on some of my struggles lately that led up to me

making this decision to step away from YouTube for a while.

For this video, I will be trying my hand at more traditional media just for a

change of pace and to start my journey of being more offline for a bit, I

suppose. Art X sent me their Oro 66 alcohol markers. It is a pastel palette

with very soft light colors, elegant and compact packaging and dual tips for

lining, coloring, and seamless blending. I've personally never used or owned

coloring markers before because the only brand I knew about was Copic, which is

notoriously expensive. I've always fancied the idea of them though because

I think traditional tools like these are what really makes one feel like a true

artist. I will be using a 5 Art a Media

watercolor paper and because I still don't have a pencil, I will be using my

2B Faber-Castell pencil refills because I somehow still have the refills but not

the actual pencil. Now, this was the piece that was

supposed to be my speed draw for this video, but unfortunately

I messed up the recording pretty badly on OBS. It was screen recording instead

of recording camera footage. So what I have is completely unusable and I only

noticed it after the piece was finished and I was about to move the recording to

its own folder. I'm pretty upset about this, but on the

bright side, I found a pencil. So, I will take this drawing as my trial

attempt and try again. However, this is one of the reasons why

I desperately need a break because I feel like I'm running on empty and so I

keep making stupid mistakes like this without noticing or, you know,

falling for fishing schemes and getting hacked.

I've been doing YouTube for 5 years now and during those 5 years, I've taken

exactly zero breaks. Even if I went on vacation, I was still

working on videos, either drawing for videos, scripting for videos, or

coordinating behind the scenes with people for videos.

For a while, it wasn't an issue for me. So, even if it was my main source of

income, it never felt like a job. It was just an outlet for my creativity.

But for the past 2 years, I went back to school to study medicine and that's when

things really started to pile on. Maybe it would have been more manageable

if I were just a regular student, but as I've said before,

I'm also class president and drafting the student council for the faculty of

medicine. I'm also leading a research project and

I just finished competing in the National Science Olympiads

and it was a lot. Most days, I feel like my attention is

constantly divided. I can't focus completely on school

because I have YouTube work I need to do and when I'm doing YouTube work, I feel

guilty because I should be studying or getting my assignments done.

And I know most of you will probably tell me that real life comes first and I

should focus on my education, but I'm paying my own way through college and

YouTube is how I can afford it. That's also why I've been so reluctant to take

a break from YouTube earlier, because without it

I have no income, and I feel terrible having to rely on my family to support

me again. And for those of you wanting to comment,

"Just get a regular job." The minimum wage where I am is $400 a

month, to put things into perspective. And that's for a full-time job.

Part-time work only pays $100 to $300 a month,

because, as I've mentioned a lot of times before, our government is evil,

and equity or social support does not exist here. And even still, it poses the

same issue as continuing to do YouTube does.

It divides my attention and takes away my study time.

It has come to a point now where I think I finally stacked too much on my plate,

and something has to give.

And knowing my uni life is only going to amp up in the next following months,

I can't keep having it both ways, at least until things slow down again.

So, for now, I have to say goodbye to YouTube,

even if that means relying on my family again.

And aside from all that, my creative endeavors for the past several years

have been for YouTube, to make an income to support myself and my family, and not

just for me and my personal projects. Anything that doesn't directly

contribute to the completion of a video gets pushed to the wayside. Heck, even

my art sona poses that you guys see, that's still an incomplete set, because

I haven't had time to complete the rest. So, I just used what I had for my

videos. I also want to take time to just do what I need to do to rebuild my

channel identity properly. Not just half-finished, improvised

pieces because I have to make a video because I need to make a video deadline

or a sponsor obligation. And speaking of my art as well,

I'm finding that I actually really enjoy traditional art.

I think it's so soothing and therapeutic, and there is something a

little bit challenging about not having that easy undo button to just take away

a mistake. It really makes you think about what you're putting down on

paper. Every stroke counts, and

you can just be in the moment.

I think markers are quickly becoming my new favorite medium at the moment,

especially with these Art X alcohol markers. They look just like

watercolors, but are much more forgiving when it comes to making mistakes and

accuracy, I suppose. My only gripe with this current set is

because it's so pastel and light, it is quite difficult to paint in darker

complexions. Though I am doing the best I can, I'm still really pleased with how

it's turning out, and drawing and coloring like this immediately makes me

feel like a professional mangaka, which was one of my dreams I had growing up.

And speaking of dreams as well, a lot of you have been asking for

Wildword, and the honest truth is it has been one of those passion projects that

gets pushed to the wayside because it is such a high-cost, high-effort content

with minimal returns. And the reason I do it is purely because

it's a passion project that I've always wanted to do. And unfortunately, not all

passion projects pay. And lately, I haven't had much money or time to spare

for its production. Plus, I've been trying to switch up the

format for it, too, to be more of an animatic instead of a narrated visual

novel. And I've needed to learn to animate a bit to do that. So, it was a

whole process of starting over and learning things from scratch.

For things like my passion projects, I always want to take my time and do it

right. And moving forward, maybe my channel can

be more about animations or animatics than things like commentary or speed

paints. I do love them, but

I feel like that has kind of run its course for me.

I don't know yet. And it's something I'm eager to discover when I finally have

the time to. Maybe I'll come back with a completely

fresh perspective and a new direction to take my channel.

And that's why for now, I have to say

goodbye. >> Force

Force me.

Lay down. Force me.

Breaking me.

Force me. Lay down.

>> Ooh. Ooh.

Ooh.