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11:02
Greetings, mortal human infidels. [Applause]
It is I. What is my name? Aamedes. Aamedes.
I am the ancient Greek god of killer love.
What's What's killer love? Not killer. Killer. Killer. Yes. And And where are
you from, Aimedes? Uh, Mount Olympus. What?
Yes. Okay. Mount the platypus. No. What? Mount Olympus? Yes. Don't
forget the puss. I am from the mountain of platypuses. No
planet [ __ ] No. No. No. [Applause]
I'm not sure I can say that. Just forget it. Silence.
I love you. Really? Yes. It's silence. I love you.
That's different. Yes, I know. I call it killer love. Okay. Yeah, I got it. I
kill you with love. And what is your job, Aimedes? I am a
god. I didn't know that being a god was a job. And I didn't know that talking to
dolls was a job, but here we freaking are.
[Applause] So you're not dead. No. I And then
Laurel, what? Immortal.
I don't know that word in English. It means you live forever. Really? Mhm.
That's a thing? Yeah. I love this country so much.
But you're not dead. No, I am not dead. Do I look dead? Well, yeah. Silence.
I love you. I have to be honest. That I love you
thing just feels wrong to me. You're doing great. Okay. If you're a Greek
god, why are you here on Earth? I don't know. We didn't talk about that.
Stick to the script. Just go with it. Well, just go with it.
Ad lib. Okay. So, Aimedes, why are you here? Uh, to play Powerball.
What? Well, you said to add live. The jackpot is huge.
And you know, us Greek gods, we love to gamble,
right? I don't know. Damn it. Just go with it.
What's a good gambling game? Uh, craps. What?
Craps? Are you kidding? No, that's a game. Yeah. Yeah, it's huge in Vegas.
Gross. Okay. Yes. My favorite thing to do in Las
Vegas is to take a crap. No. What?
What? Give a crap. No. No.
I don't give a crap. No. To play crap. That's worse.
You're like monkeys in the zoo. What the hell, dude?
Hey, by the way, did you see my new friend? Your new friend? No. Uh, over
there in the case. Get her out over here. Yeah.
Okay. What is this? Not what? Who?
Sorry, you hurt her feelings. It's my little sheep. Oh,
a you. A what? A you? Yes, it's a Nia. Will you speaking Italian now?
No, she's a you. No, she's not a n. I'm a nina. She's a her.
No, a she is a U. She is not an E. What is wrong with the U?
I don't know what's wrong with the U. What? You just said there's something
wrong with the U. No, I didn't. I'm fine. Not you. Her you. What? Now me?
What the [ __ ] A female sheep is a you. No, she's a not
to me. And stop making fun of the italos.
Can I pet your you? Do not touch me.
Not you. That you. What? Your you has very nice wool.
And you are a perfect. So otherwise, uh, how's it how's it
going being a Greek god? Actually, it's not too bad. Really? Yeah. It's so much
fun being famous. I bet. Yeah. Folks now stop me on the street. They ask me for
my autograph. They want to take selfies. I would think that looking like you do,
people would be afraid of you. Of course they are.
Oh, so you're saying it's good being Aimedes. Oh, no. No. They think I'm
Nancy Loi. I mean, look at us. The resemblance is
uncanny. Aimedes,
I forgot you were here. I would like to do this act solo.
Really? Yes. I do not need you. Oh, I think you do, but you can do it.
[Applause] Holy crap.
Did my arm just fall out? What are you doing? Well, I got to kick
it over into place. Ow. You stepped on my pinky. How the hell did I know that?
I I'm going to have to get down on one knee.
This is so sudden. No. [Applause]
Put it back. Oh. All right. Just hang on a second. Come on.
I I don't know how this goes in here. That's what she said.
Okay. So, I think the next thing [Applause]
of the thieves, don't drop me. I'm trying not to put him back. I'm I'm
working on it. Here, let's put these here.
That does not go there. The hell, dude?
Look like I had a five fingered wiener. I don't have that. No.
But if I did, my underwear would fit like a glove.
Put it back. I'm working on it. Fix my feet, [ __ ] Okay.
All right. There. All right. That was good. All right. There we go.
Son of a [ __ ] What am I a [ __ ] clock?
I don't know if I'm coming or going. Just sit still. Take your hand off my
wiener. What?
You You You don't have a I know. I know. I know.
It's not there. Okay. I lost it in an explosion.
game of poker. You lost Mike Weiner in a poker game.
You should have seen the other guy. So, I was talking about Valentine's Day
earlier. Do you do anything special on Valentine's Day? I had a romantic dinner
with my wives. Oh, Greek gods have wives. Yes. Wives and virgins. What's
the difference? I call it graduation.
But don't you have one particular favorite sweetheart? Well, it's not easy
to say. The one you like spending the most time with. Oh, yes, of course.
She's the greatest of all time. Ah, the greatest of all time. She's the goat.
[Laughter] [Applause]
But Aimedes, are there any actual people that you like? Well,
I like you. Me? Yeah. I think you are my best
friend. Well, thank you. And isn't Valentine's
Day when you say that? Well, you can say that at any time, but yeah, friends can
be recognized on Valentine's Day, too. Okay. And I I kind of need you.
Well, thank you. I mean, cuz otherwise I might fall off of this thing,
right? But it's more than that. Thank you. And I feel the same way. Thanks.
I can't live without you.
I can't live. I can't give anymore.
What are you laughing at? Well, sometimes I adlib myself into a corner I
don't quite know how to get out of. So,
Yeah. It's a little awkward. Little bit. Yeah.
[Applause]