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the feeling of Safety and Security matters a lot to people and people
employ all kinds of strategies to try to feel safe and secure this is even more
true of women because women feel chronically far more unsafe in this
world and in this Human Society than men do but not all of these ways that people
try to find security actually guarantee Security today we're going to talk about
one of the most prevalent ways that women in today's world feel a sense of
security but that is actually a false sense of security I'm warning you in
advance this is going to be a real hard one for us
[Music] women first what I'm going to do is to
tell you what this false security is and then I'm going to unpack it for you
women believe and have been led to believe that a man being in love with
her and or being sexually attracted to her means that he is going to act in her
best interests that he has motive to take ownership of her well-being and
lend himself to her well-being this means protecting her from harm and
ensuring that her needs are met this is far more than an association that women
have formed it is an assumed given and this creates a sense of security for
many and I mean many women the minute that she can tell a man is into her she
feels more secure because even on a subconscious visceral level it is a
given for her that because he is into her she now has an advocate a defender
of her well-being should she need it this belief is ingrained into the fabric
of our species at this point now if you look back through time when men took
over the world and women were made into property there is no way for a woman to
secure her well-being without a man if she was lucky that security was
guaranteed by her father and or brothers But ultimately her well-being was only
secured by a man taking ownership of her and for a huge portion of human
cultures a man taking ownership of a woman was really down to whether he was
in love with her and and was sexually attracted to her important to remember
that those factors were not actually the basis of marriage for a long time but it
became that way so we like to think that this part of our pasts we sort of past
right but I've got to break it to you that women being able to secure their
well-being in society in any other way than through a man is so recent it
should make your head spin for example let's just look at America shall we it
was in my parents' generation meaning some of you were actually alive then it
was 1974 that the Equal Credit Opportunity Act was passed which meant
that for the first time in history a woman could sign by herself on any
credit application without having a man co-sign for her and just two years ago
you guys this is 2022 the Supreme Court ruled that the constitution does not
confer any right to abortion what did this do it overruled both Row versus
Wade of 1973 and Planned Parenthood versus Casey of 1992 and it doesn't
matter what your stance on abortion is the reality is it created huge issues
with a woman having rights related to her own body and therefore a woman's
ability to secure her own well-being and guess what you can't just undo that in a
generation or two or three so what do we find we are in a transition right now
and it's one hell of a bad one if you look around the world you will see that
we do not yet live in a world where it is easy for women to secure their
well-being in other ways than through the venue of a man
this is really extreme from country to Country by the way we do not live in a
society where equality is a reality and yet women have more opportunities than
they did and Society is aggressively pushing towards gender
equality well most of society at the current rate gender equality not to be
confused with gender sameness is in fact still centuries away need meeting in
relationships in a society that is now focused on equality between genders
means that energy exchanges are not about gender anymore so they're no
longer as straightforward as they were it's simply about need meeting in
general but because of this no one knows where to actually get their needs met
because the old gender R's way of getting needs met doesn't really work
anymore and despite the reality that women should never be considered objects
or property there was a tiny little unforeseen downside to women not being
seen as property anymore and if we're into awareness work we need to look at
it what that is is is that to generalize both the negative and positive elements
of ownership have been dropped by men most people have a negative relationship
with the concept of ownership but there is such a thing as positive and negative
ownership and when people take positive ownership of things and thus take
responsibility for them what do we see they tend to caretake the well-being of
whatever they are taking ownership of and responsibility for if you want to
learn more about this you can watch my video that is titled own people how to
take ownership of your relationships well this drop of
ownership left women to fend for themselves when I'm going to be honest
with you guys fending for themselves was never what women were asking for as if
this wasn't bad enough the idea that a man being in love with a woman and are
sexually attracted to her means that he is going to act in her best interest and
keep her safe and secure is an idea that is reinforced by
all forms of entertainment think back to Disney when we
little there was really no Good Samaritan princes they rescued the
Damsel in Distress and protected the princess because they were in love with
them this idea Echoes through books verbal stories movies TV shows
commercials newspapers magazines advertisements and religious Doctrine
society's been very clear if you want to be safe and secure a man must want you
he must be in love with you he must be attracted to you so what does all this
boil down to men being seen as the venue through which a woman can ensure her
well-being men being the venue through which she can trust that she will be
safe and secure in this world and therefore women being desperate to gain
security by doing whatever it takes for a man to be sexually attracted to her
and to fall in love with her keep in mind that when a woman does her very
best to look and act in whatever way she thinks is going to make her attractive
to men and thus make a man fall in love with her so that she can have
security it's a form of manipulation manipulation is all about
not feeling like you can go for your needs directly so you have to go about
getting them in a roundabout way the security that women feel when a man is
sexually attracted to them and in love with them is actually a false security
if it were not a false security women would not have a million in one stories
of being harmed in their relationships with men
so let's look at why it is a false security whether a man will or will not
act in a woman's best interests and take responsibility for her well-being has
nothing to do with whether he is in love with her or is attracted to her or
not shocker right firstly we need to talk about what it means to be in love
to be in love with someone is not the same as to love someone we've got an
issue here with the English language because we have one word love to
represent a myriad of different states of being to be in love is a feeling
state of wanting someone it is positive appreciation for them it is attraction
to them sometimes it is attachment to them in love is a sensation that compels
you into a relationship with someone it feels good to you to be near them so you
want to do it again and again and when we are in love guess what the reward
centers of our brain are completely activated and I mean on total fire our
senses are stimulated and they drive us towards closeness with that other person
but there are so many wise behind Falling in Love That You Don't See from
pheromones to suppressed parts of the personality to needs a person thinks the
other person's going to meet for them to getting caught up in the biology of our
own reward centers to esoteric influences to be in love is in fact a
self-focused state it can go away love on the other hand is true caring about
the other it is a conscious choice to include someone as a part of you and by
doing so you cannot go against their best interests without harming yourself
a choice to act in the best interests of not just yourself but also them so let's
go here to generalize there are two pillars in a
relationship both pillars may be present in a relationship or there may be only
one one of those pillars is love true caring about the other the conscious
choice to include include the other person as a part of you and to be an
active Advocate to their well-being to act in their best
interests love is a very hard practice for people people have egos and thus
they tend to spend their time very very stuck in their own best
interests the other pillar is energy exchange this is really about Mutual
need meeting in a relationship it's what I get out of being in a relationship
with you and what you get out of being in a relation a ship with me where's the
mutual benefit you see energy Exchange in all forms of symbiosis on this Earth
some people may also call this a transaction energy exchange is an
element of every relationship but for the vast majority of people this energy
exchange is totally unconscious most of the time energy
exchanges in a relationship are hidden and assumed and people only tend to act
in each other's best interests when that energy exchange or transaction is car
cared out and maintained the relationships that are harmonious have
an underlying energy exchange that is working for both people nowadays living
a life in human society is so complex and so many of the old structures for
energy exchange between men and women are gone so there are lots of reasons
that an energy Exchange in a relationship might just fall apart to
simplify this relationships are mostly about Mutual need meeting this means
that when a woman has a a man that is in love with her she assumes that she meets
a need for him that will guarantee that he will act in her best interest but all
this meaning that a woman adds to the experience of a man being in love with
her and being sexually attracted to her may not actually reflect the actual
meaning of it it's at this point I'm going to hit you with a really hard
truth the most common thing it means if a man is in love with a woman and is
sexually attracted to a woman is this he thinks that she will meet a specific
need or desire that he has or that he will get that that need or desire met
through her somehow it would be easy to assume that because he sees her as the
venue through which a certain need or multiple needs will be met that he will
look out for her well-being after all one wants to preserve the fountain from
which they drink but let's say for example that a man is looking for status
through a relationship with a woman the minute that he secures that relationship
his need for status has already been met so why does he need to caretake her best
interest any more than is necessary to you know keep her around very important
to know that if a man is in love with a woman because of a need or desire he
thinks that he can get through her somehow lots of what he is doing for her
is not something that he likes to do it's what we call a so that they are so
that he can get these things he wants and needs and this is a recipe for
disaster because once the so that aim is achieved the intrinsic motive to do
those things for her starts to dwindle and if the so that aim isn't achieved
the same thing happens the motivation to do the those things also dwindles in
addition to this many men provide security for a woman at a price this is
a price that most women are totally unaware of because people in general are
rarely conscious and aware of their subconscious transactions and even if
they are people are unlikely to overtly share them if women knew what this cost
was going to be they would not feel as secure so that you can understand this
better here as an example Juliet had a mother that was always focused on work
and a disengaged father as a result she was super emotionally neglected and she
was on top of it because of this neglect molested by a teacher for several years
right under the nose of her parents she could find no way to get anyone to
really car take her well-being but when she turned into a teen she became hyper
aware that the other girls and women who were being obsessed over and who were
being taken care of and who are being protected were girls and women who had
boys and men men that were in love with them so she studied what made those
girls desirable and modeled herself after exactly that she became obsessed
with her looks she started dressing in super sexy clothes she learned how to
flirt she put on an air of confidence she became demonstratively affectionate
to the boys sure enough she ended up with her
first boyfriend and she felt so much more safe and secure Juliet finally had
some of her needs met and she finally had someone who had rushed her her side
into her defense if she got into problems and was facing trouble or
threats she had attention she had engagement she had belonging she had
protection she had containment and the list goes on the thing was boyfriend
number one did not keep it up in fact he abandoned her for another girl that he
happened to have fallen in love with so she jumped ship onto a new relationship
with a boy who would keep her safe and secure a boy who by the way was full of
rage towards the first boyfriend who had treated her so
badly the second one an exchange student was good for a while until he left the
country and then she jumped Shi to another relationship and so on and so
forth this went all the way through her adulthood Juliet felt like a hot potato
Juliet's belief that a man was the venue through which a woman could ensure her
well-being and be safe and secure in this world was reinforced by
everything TV shows movies books as well as her own life observations and
experiences after all she had watched firsthand men be totally unwilling to
lift a finger to help a woman succeed unless they got to be with them sexually
and she watched Men be totally uninterested in her Talent only fixated
on wanting her to be theirs and she watched the difference
between women who say had husbands that bought them cars and put them in
beautiful homes and on the other hand and women who were hard and stressed all
the time because they had no man in their
life and she got into lots of situations where she was unsafe where the only
person who was there to really come to her rescue was the man in her life after
all she intimidated a lot of her friends also her father and mother would not
bail her out of any trouble ever well Julet was married four times
and one day it dawned on her that every man she had ended up in a relationship
with had eventually gone directly against her best interests they had
abandoned her they had stolen her money they had cheated on her they had become
emotionally abusive and this list goes on and on it was then that she had an
epiphany Juliet's method of getting security through a man although
common had not actually worked many of those men that were her partner were
still in love with her and were still completely sexually attracted to her and
admitted it openly and this could mean one thing
that a man being in love with a woman and being sexually attracted to her is
actually no guarantee that he will act in her best
interests Juliet was going to have to find different methods for feeling safe
and secure in the world so let's look at some of the things she did she decided
to install a security system and get one of her best friends to move in she
started looking into finances and learned how to make herself safe and to
make smart financial decisions to set up Financial Security for herself and then
the next relationship she got into she directly told the man that this is what
she was looking for someone to protect her from emotional harm and someone to
prioritize her and it was understood that no matter how much she cared about
them if they made it a pattern to not do these two things she needed in a
relationship she would end the relationship with the exception of three
men that she dated every other man appreciated the straightforward
expression of exactly what her expectations were so so that they could
be the ones to then decide whether that was something that they could sign up
for and say yes to or not now that you understand this Dynamic there are also
two big chinks in the chain of this security through a man being in love
with me Dynamic they're really worth mentioning
in male female relationships one of the biggest issues is that men tend to not
perceive the threats that women perceive given that for so many women the energy
exchange that they are actually expecting is for saf and security be it
emotional mental or physical the man I.E the one that is on that end of the
energy exchange had better perceive the threat and respond to it then otherwise
he isn't answering to the actual need and so he isn't actually keeping up his
end of the assumed bargain whether he agreed to it or not a final thing to
consider is that this whole dynamic we've been talking about perpetuates a
serious degree of separation within Society itself if the source of a
woman's security is a man being sexually attracted to her and being in love with
her this makes other women a threat to her she thinks she has to insulate the
relationship with him and exclude others and this reinforces the binary
relationship system as well as the nuclear family neither of which is
natural or healthy for a physical human if we were living in groups like what is
natural for us and our needs security and safety would be something that is
provided by all members of the group to every other member of the group now it
doesn't take a genius to see that this is a much more secure and safe system
for people in general so what's the moral of the story for the sake of this
conversation it doesn't matter how things should or shouldn't be the
reality is that a man being in love with and or sexually attracted to a woman
does not mean that he is going to act in her best interests it does not mean that
he will caretake her well-being his decision to do that is separate from
whether he is in love with and or sexually attracted to her on top of this
mastering the two pillars of relationship which is consciously
choosing to love as well as conscious and Direct Energy exchanges is the
future of Human Relationships you can only successfully do that when you see
that the current way that you are trying to secure an energy exchange doesn't
actually guarantee that the need you you have will be met if you want to learn
more about this I would really suggest that you watch my video titled be
consciously transactional why every relationship is
transactional if you are a woman and you recognize yourself getting sucked into
this false security which is so common really consider the following what
threats are you afraid of and therefore what type of security are you actually
looking for what might be the best way to go directly for security relative to
each unique threat and therefore each security need consider answers that
involve a man potentially even a male partner and consider answers that
don't have a good week [Music]